Some Insight

I fucking did it. I said it since I was fifteen, maybe even before that, “I’m moving to California.” And I fucking did it. I spent all that time, four-plus years, telling myself, reassuring myself, that I was going to live in California. I had a dream, a life goal that, whether I like it or not, developed my character. So much of who I was in Wisconsin was on the premise that I was going to leave. I established right away what my plans were and stuck to them. I can’t speak for my friends who had to deal with that notion but sometimes I didn’t give my life there a “fair chance.” Maybe I got out of it what I needed to at an early age. Nevertheless, I had a great time, the best time in fact, with my closest friends (you know who you are) during my last year of high school. The crazy things we did that seemed so boring and irrelevant now seem so “epic” that it seems like it was all a dream (or nightmare, depending on the day). When I meet people here and I recall the time we were at the Beaver jumping off of the bridge in the middle of a severe thunderstorm, for instance, my stories seems to take on a new meaning. They aren’t boring anymore. I see the excitement in what I did on the faces of those I’m talking to. And I think, “I lived that?” I guess I’m coming to terms with what I did with my time in Wisconsin and deciding if I did everything I wanted to. And if I didn’t, did I at least make the best out of it with what I had? I think so.

Know/Don’t Know

Things I Already Know:
I am a happy person.
I am confident in myself and the abilities I already possess.
I tend to like people quickly.
I put the needs of others before my own.
I am a loyal friend.
I need the sun to stay positive.
I am mindful.
I believe the connection between all living things and what evokes emotion to rise up in is all is the only divine thing and to understand it is to understand the Truth.

Things I Don’t Know:
Why I am who I am; or how my childhood has affected how I live my life.
Why I disliked Wisconsin.
Why I liked California.
Why I think my family is insane.
Where I’m going in life.
What I need to be happy for the rest of my life.
Where I will end up.

I was feeling introspective and curious about myself so I compiled a list of things that I know, don’t know about myself. There is a certain level of conceit in being introspective that I tried very hard not to cross. I believe that if you know me as a person, you will see that I haven’t crossed that line. Also, this list will always be changing. I am certain that I will discover, and question, more things about myself throughout my life and to suggest otherwise would be ludicrous.

Seven Cities; Five Days

San Francisco, CA to
Minneapolis, MN to
La Crosse, WI to
Trempealeau, WI to
Milwaukee, WI to
Madison, WI to
Marshfield, WI to
Trempealeau, WI to
La Crosse, WI to
Minneapolis, MN to
San Franscisco, CA.

On The Other Side of the Stream

After a six hour, two-flight trip from San Francisco, CA to La Crosse, WI (via Minneapolis, MN), I am now under a familiar roof in my hometown of Trempealeau, WI. I was reluctant to agree when first asked to return so soon since my departure mid-August. But now I am here. Very little has changed in the two months I’ve been gone but I had expected that. The house is, more or less, the same. My room is now a guest bedroom; a lone Beatles poster decorates the wall (I think I’m gonna take that back with me now that I think about it). The same streets go to the same places and those same places are still roughly the same. I got a chance to see Justin and Ben tonight and I’m planning to visit more with them, among others, later this weekend. California was the “greener side” to life for me for nearly five years but coming home for the first time has showed me that it doesn’t matter where you are or how far you can get away from where you were to BE happy. What really matters is who you surround yourself with and what you make of the time with them. The friends I have here will always be dear to me, just as dear as the friends I have, and am making, on the other side of the stream.

Update

Hey guys. Added a new page with, you guessed it, Other Writings. Give it a look. Why not?

Moving

Hello. Either you were redirected here from my old blog on blogspot (all from that can be seen here) or you discovered this somehow, probably mysteriously, or at least in a manner that wasn’t so totally hunky-dory. Nevermind who you are or how you got here. Welcome. So, perhaps, if by chance you were redirected here and are wondering to yourself, “Why did Kailo move his blog here?” Well, to be quite honest, this new host has far better features, qualities, and all that other cool admin shit than my last blog. I apologize if you wanted to read my blog quick before running out the door but were late and got pissed because you had to click a few extra times but hey, now you know that I’ve moved things around. I think I’ll be here to stay and if I decide I’ve found something better, I’l be sure to kindly redirect you once again. Thanks.

No More Road To Walk

The other night, the housemates and I went to Ocean Beach (above). We had nothing else to do; this was also the best suggestion put forward. I could hear the ocean howl in the distance the moment I stepped out of the car, a strong wind coming from her dark waters. We crossed The Great Highway and walked on the beach. I walked towards the water, a fairly decent trek from TGH. When I finally got there I took a moment to take it all in. It was overpowering! I turned to the City and smiled. America. Fucked up America. All her problems right in front of me, behind me cold dark ocean. I was on the edge of the world with no more west to travel by foot. I wondered, “Now where?”

Conversations

In the past few days I’ve overheard various (slightly hilarious) conversations on the bus, street, and other venues. One instance, a bus driver and passenger were arguing over whether or not she, the passenger, would cook supper for him, the bus driver. He contested that he “was easy,” only needing “some lettuce, tomatoes, and some ice tea or water.” I laughed when I heard this, standing between the two on a crowded bus. She argued that if that’s all he wanted he could cook himself supper instead. She was also insistent that her “kitchen was closed” and that she cooked enough for, I’m assuming, the driver’s brother.

Another conversation was overheard at the bus stop. Two older women were commenting on the neccesity of a ticket for the driver of a car who passed a fire truck on the left while it was backing up (and coming into the left-hand lane of traffic). They were adement that this is what he needed and continued to comment on it before switching topics to the lateness of the bus. After a few minutes into that conversation, I silently agreed with them and started walking. I heard them say to each other “Oh, that man is gonna walk. He knows it ain’t coming.” I turned and gave a friendly “Yep” and a wave before catching the bus at the next stop. Conversations like these lighten my day and show me the city is much more than people running to wherever they have to go.

Brown-baggin’ It

Lost. Adrift. Next to the sea. Surrounded by sea, really. I’m here and enjoying myself, very much so in fact. The City is NOW. There is no sitting still. Maybe laying back, but no sitting still. I like the busyness of the city, its car horns and tire squeals, sirens and car stereos, buses and bikes. But I feel I’m missing something. From the Midwest, California had it all. Sun, beaches, ocean, babes. Now I’m here. There is usually only fog which usually hides the sun and the ocean. And the babe count at CC is low. Aside from going to class each day and working toward an impractical college degree, which, in itself and as of now, doesn’t mean anything to me, there is little in my life right now that puts me to sleep with the feeling that I did something with my day. I jam often with my new friends but that brown-bag funk that Sack Lunch had isn’t there, which is something I surely miss. I’ve lived here for a month, and am having a great time, really, but California looked a bit more lustrous with the sun at her back. Now that I don’t have to squint to see her, I could really use that brown-bag.

Update

Hey everyone. I’ve been so preoccupied with school and friends and the City that I haven’t taken the time to sit down the and write. I’m not sure how dedicated I am at this particular moment either, but I’ll try and let you guys know what’s been going on…

School is going well. I’m enrolled at City College taking all music classes (this was not my intention but perhaps a blessing in disguise). I’ve met a number of people in my classes who are competent musicians as well. I’ve jammed with a few; the prospect of starting up a “band” is there but I question my drive and the drive of my new friends to make something happen. But I’m ok with that for the moment. My sister and her friends have moved in. Living with them has been a lot of fun so far. I’m anxious to see what else we do together this coming year. I’ve visited various parts of the City and am slowly figuring out where things are in relation to the house, campus, BART stations, etc. The city really isn’t that big, roughly the size of Brooklyn, NY. And its mass transit system makes getting anywhere easier than you think. I took a nap this afternoon but the night is catching up to me. Gotta save some energy for tomorrow.